i keep thinking he isn’t gone. he still feels so close. i repeat everything he’s ever said to me. it feels like this is just a long weekend without my phone and i’ll go to school tomorrow and hug him at lunch for an hour and listen to his heartbeat like i used to. but that won’t ever happen. the last time i talked to him he told me i was a bitch and i could go fuck myself. we’ve been broken up for two months. in that time he sent me song lyrics and protected me..but he was in love with her. he knew things about me i didn’t even tell him. i’d look over at him and he would be arranging his fingers in the same weird way that i’ve been doing since i was five. i loved him more than i could ever love anybody. he got me to stop cutting and always made me laugh. but he was a horrible boyfriend. he wouldn’t text me until 7 at night, he’d rather be with his friends, fuck..he was married to her on facebook. but he was perfect for me. ever since him i haven’t been able to love anyone else-let alone like. they write poems, tell me i’m beautiful..things that he never did..but i only want him. i want him to notice me. even if it’s just to say hey, fuck you..but he doesn’t even say that anymore. i’ll never get how he loved me one day and would panic if i was the slightest bit mad at him, to loving her overnight. it’s been two months and he still feels like my best friend. i miss him so much.